The Springfield Files

Walking home after a relaxing night at Moe's Tavern, Homer encounters

a glowing, contorted creature with a large head and enormous dark

eyes. When he shares his experience, most of Springfield dismisses it as

intoxication rather than visitation. When the news reaches FBI

headquarters, THE X-FILES' Agent Mulder convinces Agent Scully the

case bears investigating on THE SIMPSONS episode "The Springfield

If you want to use any stuff on this page on your website please ask

me first and put my site banner on your site. Some banners can be

(Bart writes "The Truth is Not Out There" on the blackboard, The

Simpsons use rocket packs to land on the couch)

(Sitting behind a darkened desk) Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following

tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies.

But they're entertaining lies, and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The

answer...is no. Our story begins on a Friday morning, in a little town

called Springfield... (Opens a story book)

HOMER: (At the nuclear plant) T.G.I.F! Guys, I'm off to Moe's.

LENNY: But Homer, it's ten in the morning!

HOMER: Don't worry, I have a plan. I saw this in a movie about a bus

that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. And if its

speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called... "The Bus That

Couldn't Slow Down." First, I hook this common VCR into the security

camera system like so, then I insert this old videotape of us working on a

continuous loop. (The tape from the 1970's has Homer eating donuts in a

"Sit On It" T-shirt, and talking to Lenny. Then, the tape abruptly cuts to

Lenny doing a Saturday Night Fever style move - flares and all)

BURNS: (Watching the tape on the security monitors) So, another Friday

is upon us. What will you be doing Smithers, something gay no doubt?

BURNS: You know, light-hearted, fancy-free, mothers lock up your

daughters! Smithers is on the town! He he he!

SMITHERS: Ha ha ha! Exactly, sir. (quietly) ha ha ha...

OLD MAN: (At the retirement home) Thank God it's Wednesday.

OLD MAN: Uh oh, wrong pills. (White hair, and a long beard, suddenly

(At Noiseland Arcade: "Friday meet Donkey Kong in person", Donkey Kong

is smoking and scratching himself, without an audience.)

MAN: Sorry Donkey Kong, but you're just not a draw anymore. (Donkey

Kong throws a barrel, and knocks him down) Hey, he's still got it!

MILHOUSE: (At the arcade, eposits quarters into Kevin Costner's

Waterworld Game) 38, 39, 40 quarters. This better be good.

GAME: (Character moves two steps) Game over. Please deposit 40

DR HIBBERT: Thank God it's Friday! Hmm hmm hmm...(Closes the door as

SENILE MAN: (Stuck in the x-ray Machine) Hello? Hello?

MARGE: (Picks up magazine: Better Homes Than Yours) Bad dog! Bad

LISA: All right! Time for ABC's T.G.I.F. line-up!

BART: Lise, when you get a little older, you'll realise that Friday is just

another day between NBC's Must-See Thursday and CBS's Saturday

HOMER: Nah, it's Friday night, Moe. I want to try something special.

MOE: Sure, sure. Here you go, Düff. From Sweden, huh huh.

HOMER: Goal! Wait a minute, this is Duff!

MOE: Heh heh, you got me didn't you? Okay, here you go, Red Tick Beer.

(Label reads Red Tick Beer: Suck One Dry)

HOMER: Cold, refreshing, and something I can't quite put my finger on.

TESTER: (At the beer processing plant, dogs are swimming in a vat of

beer, Tester tastes some) Hmm, needs more dog.

HOMER: Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with

MOE: Just a second, Homer. You gotta take a breathalyser test before I

HOMER: (He breathes into the machine, it reads: Tipsy, Soused, Stinkin',

Boris Yeltsin.) Uh. I guess I'll walk home. (Walks out, then sways) Ohh..

(As he walks down the street, lights come towards him, and he hears a

spooky tune. The lights draw near, and it's the Sprinfield Philarmonic, the

bus stops and a violinist gets off. He sees a bilboard, with the word DIE.)

Aargh! (Then a branch is blown aside, and Homer reads DIET and

screams again) Arrrgh! (He runs and a shadow emerges from the forest,

GRANDPA: Oh, son I'm glad to see you. I went for the morning paper and

HOMER: No time for you, old man! (Pushes him over, then while running

trips over a root. An X-Files type song is heard, then a green glowing

emerges from the forest, then Homer sees the alien)

HOMER: Yahhh! (Runs through a field, creating the pattern Yahhh!, in

MARGE: (Homer bursts into the bedroom) Homer, it's 2am. What

HOMER: It was an alien, Marge! It appeared in front of me and said,

HOMER: (At breakfast the next morning) I'm telling you, I saw a creature

HOMER: Oh yeah? Well when I came to I was covered with a sticky,

LISA: Dad, according to Junior Sceptics Magazine, the chances are 175

million to one of another form of life actually coming into contact with

LISA: It's just that the people who claim to have seen aliens are always

pathetic lowlifes with boring jobs. Oh..and you.. dad. Ha ha.

BART: (Bart runs in with a water pistol, and slinky eyes) I am the

HOMER: Ahhh! Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being mocked, by my

HOMER: Yes. Remember? It's the same day as the dog's.

LISA: Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? Ooh, we've got to get you

a present. Yes we do. Yes we do! (Runs to the dog)

MARGE: Poor doggy. Poor doggy! (Lisa, Bart, Marge and Maggie all hug

HOMER: (At the nuclear plant) Oh, it was awful. They sat me on a cold,

metal table and prodded me with humiliating probes. Oh, wait, that was

LENNY: Nice going Homer, really. (Crowd groans and leaves)

HOMER: (At the police station) The alien has a sweet heavenly voice,

like Urkel. And he appears every Friday night, like Urkel.

WIGGUM: Well your story is very compelling, Mr Jackass, I mean Simpson.

So I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. Hmm hmm hmm... (Makes

HOMER: You don't have to humiliate me. (Leaves)

ARSONIST: (Enters, with scorched clothing) I just torched a building

downtown, and I'm afraid I'll do it again!

WIGGUM: Oh, yeah right. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter.

(There is a picture of J. Edgar Hoover in a dress, Scully is typing on the

computer, she has a mug with an 'X' on it.)

MULDER: Look at this Scully. (Shows her the Springfield Shopper

newspaper, headline: "Human Blimp Sees Flying Saucer", with a picture of

Homer) There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the

heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.

SCULLY: Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs

and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.

MULDER: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

(Mulder knocks on the door, and Marge answers)

MULDER: Agents Mulder and Scully. FBI. (Pull out their ID's, Mulder's has

MARGE: Is this about that pen that I took from the post office? I swear,

I didn't know I put it in my purse, then I was going to bring it back but

the dog chewed it up, and that just made things worse.

SCULLY: Actually, we're here to see your husband about his UFO

(An exterior of a building is shown: The sign reads: FBI Springfield

Branch. Invading Your Privacy For 60 Years)

SCULLY: (At a lineup) Mr Simpson, look at this line-up and tell us if any

of these is the aliens you saw. (The lineup is Marvin the Martian,

MARVIN: (The aliens leave) This makes me very angry!

(In an interrogation room, Cigarette Smoking Man hides in a corner, while

Scully prepares tests. Mulder has a clipboard with a large 'X' on it)

SCULLY: Now we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple liedetector.

I'll ask you a few yes or no questions, and you just answer truthfully. Do

HOMER: (In another lab, Scully taps Homer's knee for reflex. The knee

MULDER: (Homer, in his underpants and shoes, has electrodes attatched

to him while he jogs on a treadmill) Wait a minute, Scully. What's the

SCULLY: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

MULDER: (In the bar) All right Homer. We want you to recreate your

HOMER: Well, the evening began at the Gentleman's club, where we were

discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.

SCULLY: Mr Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.

HOMER: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You

HOMER: (10 beers later) You are one fine looking woman, lady. If I

wasn't married, I'd go out with you like that! I am so sorry. Whatever

you do, don't tell Marge. God I love her! Hey, a penny! (Dives to grab it)

MOE: FBI, huh? Excuse me. (Goes to the back room, where two boys are

hosing down a whale) All right, they're on to us. Get him back to Sea

HOMER: (Even more drunk) So I said, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind

SCULLY: Mr Simpson, why don't you show us where you went when you

HOMER: (In the forest) I was standing right here, when the horrible

creature emerged from the woods. (There is a rustling from a bush, and

GRANDPA: (Grandpa emerges) God help me! I've been here for four days,

and a turtle's got a hold of my teeth! There he is. (Chases the turtle)

Come back here, you! Shut up! I'll get you...

SCULLY: This is the worst assignment we've ever had.

MULDER: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating

GRANDPA: Ow, it bit me with my own teeth!

SCULLY: No, this is much more irritating. I've seen enough Mulder, let's

MULDER: Yeah okay. But somewhere out there, something is watching

us. (Scully rolls her eyes, and leaves) There are alien forces acting in

ways we can't perceive. Are we alone in the universe? Impossible. (Hours

later) When you consider the wonders that exist all around us, Voodoo

of Haiti, Tibetan Numerologists of Appalachia. The unsolved mysteries of

...unsolved mysteries. The truth...is out there!

MOE: (Carrying the whale) Who would have thought a whale could be so

HOMER: (In bed at night) Oh Marge, I've never felt so alone. No one

believes me. Uh, this is the part where you're supposed to say, "I believe

HOMER: You do! Oh Marge, you've made me so happy.

MARGE: Homey, you're not listening. You're only hearing what you want

HOMER: Thanks, I'd love an omelette right about now.

MARGE: Homer, please! I try to be supportive, but this has gone to far.

HOMER: No, I can't. This is my cause. I'm like the guy who

single-handedly built the rocket and went to the moon. What's his name?

HOMER: No, I refuse to share a bed with someone who thinks I'm crazy.

BART: (In the kitchen) Hey dad. What's the word, you planning

HOMER: Oh, I suppose you're going to mock me too.

HOMER: Thank you son. And do you think you can stop the casual

HOMER: That's my boy. If you believe in me, then I'm not going to give

up. I'll prove I'm right. This Friday we're going back to the woods and

HOMER: We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox network.

BART: They'll buy anything. (Laughs loud)

HOMER: Now son, they do a lot of quality programming too. Haa haa haa!

BART: (In the woods, with camping equipment labelled: 'Property of Ned

Flanders') Yo, dad can I have a sip of your beer?

HOMER: No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids

with fake ID's. Besides, it's such a beautiful night, how about a ghost

BART: (With torch on face) ...And that, is how much college will cost for

BART: (later) You know dad, it doesn't matter that we didn't see the

alien. I really had a great time out here.

HOMER: Yeah, me too. (Suddenly, there is a green glow, and the X-Files

theme is heard. The alien emerges from the woods.) It's him!

HOMER: As a representative of Planet Earth, let me be the first to say...

(Steps in the camp fire) Ahhh! Whooo! Yarrgh!!

HOMER: D'oh! It's gone. We still don't have any proof.

BART: Oh yes we do. I got it all on tape. (With Ned's birthday present,

HOMER: Good work son! We did it! We did it!

NIMOY: (Closes storybook) And so from this simple man came the truth,

that we are not alone in the universe. I'm Leonard Nimoy, good night.

TEENAGER: Uh Mr Nimoy, we have ten minutes left.

NIMOY: Oh, fine. Let me just get something out of my car. (Runs, and

TEENAGER: I don't think he's coming back.

BROCKMAN: News. A man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up.

MAN: (In a hospital room)Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?

BROCKMAN: No, she won an Oscar, and he's a congressman.

KENT: But first, ET phone Homer. Simpson, that is.

HOMER: Marge, kids, they're about to show our videotape! (Bart looks

excited, while Lisa is Scully-like, and doesn't believe it)

BROCKMAN: Local man Homer Simpson, shown here with his tongue stuck

to a lamp post, has given us this videotape. It's a close encounter, of

BROCKMAN: The alien has appeared in the same Springfield pasture the

last two Friday nights. Will it appear again this Friday? The entire channel

six news team will be there, except for Phil, the boom mike operator,

who's getting fired tomorrow. (Phil hits him with the boom) Ow! Very

BART: Well, Lise. What do you think about the alien now?

LISA: I think there must be a more logical explanation. And I think the

people of this town aren't going to be won over by three seconds of

HOMER: (The doorbell rings, and Homer is greeted by a large crowd) I'm

happy to answer any questions you have about the alien. Any questions

DR HIBBERT: Yes, is the alien carbon based or silicon based?

HOMER: Uh, the second one. Zillophone. Next question.

FLANDERS: Were you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane?

HOMER: This interview is over! (Slams door, and the weather vane falls)

REVEREND LOVEJOY: (In Church) I remember another gentle visitor from

in peace,and then died. Only to come back to life. His name was... ET:

The Extraterrestrial. I loved that little guy.

(A 'Welcome Alien' banner is in the woods, and the band plays 'Close

Encounters of the Third Kind'. Everyone is in the woods waiting for the

alien, including Jimbo Jones with a sign, 'Alien Dude: Need Two Tickets to

BART: Leonard Nimoy! What are you doing here?

NIMOY: Wherever there is a mystery or something unexplained, cosmic

BOY: Hey, Spock, what do you want in your hot dog?

HOMER: Take a look at this Lisa. (Holds up 'Homer Was Right' T-Shirt)

You don't see any "Homer is a Dope" T-shirts, do you?

HOMER: D'oh! (Marge and Maggie approach, wearing "Homer is a Dope"

MARGE: These shirts are 100% cotton, and look at the fine stitching on

HOMER: I'll take two. (Suddenly, the clouds draw together and the

X-Files theme plays, as a green figure approaches)

MARGE: Oh, Homey. Honey I'm so sorry I doubted you.

DR HIBBERT: Is that the love between a man and a woman, or the love

LENNY: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!

LISA: Wait! You want an alien? This is your alien! (Lisa shines her torch

MR BURNS: Hello, children. I bring you love.

SMITHERS: It's not a monster, it's Mr Burns.

SMITHERS: No, let me explain. Every Friday evening after work Mr Burns

undergoes a series of medical treatments designed to cheat death for

another week. First Mr Burns' chiropractors perform a slight spinal

adjustment. Then a team of doctors administer his eye drops, pain killers,

and a vocal cord straightening. (Mr Burns is bent over, twisted, then

jabbed with various needles and instruments.)

DR NICK: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. (Holds huge instrument) Till

SMITHERS: The whole ordeal leaves Mr Burns twisted and disoriented.

(He walks into the woods dazed and confused)

DR NICK: The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.

MR BURNS: Um, I'll field that question. A lifetime of working in a nuclear

power plant has given me a healthy green glow. And left me as impotent

as a Nevada Boxing Commissioner. And now that I'm back to normal, I

don't bring you peace and love, I bring you fear, famine, pestilence, and

DR NICK: Time for a booster! (Jabs in a needle)

MR BURNS: (Sings) Good morning star shine. The Earth says hello...

NIMOY: They twinkle above us, we twinkle below.

CHORUS: Good morning star shine.... (Scully is seen wearing a 'Homer is

a Dope' T-shirt, singing with Mulder and Chewbacca)

MARGE: Well, you said you'd bring us peace and love, and it looks like

TEENAGER: (Closes the storybook) And so concludes our tale. I'm

Leonard Nimoy. Goodnight, and keep watching the skis. Uh, skies.

In a dark study, Leonard Nimoy sits at a desk that has a skull, a book

and three lit candles on it. Behind him is a bookshelf. A spotlightfades in

Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true.

And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in

the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.

-- What was the question again?, "The Springfield Files"

"Our story begins on a Friday morning in a little town called Springfield."

Nimoy narrates. In his book is an illustration of a glad-looking Homer,

which takes us into the story. At the SNPP, Homer is celebrating the fact

that it's Friday, and that he's off to Moe's. Lenny reminds him that it's

10am, but Homer has a plan of his own to sneak out of work.

I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the

city,keeping its speed over fifty. And if its speed dropped, the buswould

explode! I think it was called... "The bus that couldn't slowdown."

-- So close, yet so far, Homer, "The Springfield Files"

Homer carries out his plan. He hooks up his VCR to the surveillance

camera and puts in an ancient cassette tape of him working with

Lennyand Carl in sector 7-G. The result: an infinite loop of Homer,

eatinga doughnut while talking to Lenny, both dressed in 70's clothing.

Incomes afro-wearing Carl in a hippie outfit. A glitch in the tape skips to

another shot of Lenny and Carl dancing while Homer sleeps. The

awkward loop of this 5-second tape goes unnoticed by Mr. Burns,who

Mr. Burns: So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing,

Mr. Burns: You know. Light-hearted, fancy-free. "Mothers, lock up your

daughters! Smithers is on the town!" [chuckles a bit]

Smithers: Exactly, sir! [laughs nervously]

-- Gotta be more careful there, Waylon, "The Springfield Files"

Jasper: Thank God it's Wednesday. [eats pills]

Japser: Uh-oh, wrong pills. [hair grows all over his body] Uh... Little

-- God bless today's medicine, "The Springfield Files"

At the Noiseland Arcade, Donkey Kong sits in a chair on top a

standholding a sign saying "Meet Donkey Kong in Person." The

GenericSarcastic Middle-Aged Worker walks by, saying he's "just not a

drawanymore." Kong replies by throwing him a barrel. "Hey! He's stillgot

At the arcade, Milhouse feeds the "Waterworld" video game the

fourtyquarters required to play the game.

Milhouse: [feeding quarters] 38... 39... 40 quarters. This better be

Game: Game Over. Please deposit 40 quarters.

Milhouse: What a rip! [hesitates a second, then deposits more

-- I bet he's seen the movie 32 times, "The Springfield Files"

"Thank god it's Friday," says Dr. Hibbert, leaving and closing the

hospital. Inside is a naked Hans Moleman standing behind an

Later, a decorative living room is displayed -- but it's only in the"Better

Homes Than Yours" magazine. It's lying on a filthy table,whose garbage

is being picked up by Marge, who surveys the filthy house.

Marge: [sees SLH chewing on a chair] Bad dog! [sees Snowball

scratching up the couch] Bad cat! [sees a fawn licking something] Bad

elephant and three-toed sloth..., "The Springfield Files"

Marge shoos away the fawn. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa are watching TV.

Lisa: All right! It's time for ABC's "TGIF" lineup!

Bart: Lis, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday is just

another day between NBC's "Must See Thursday" and CBS' " Saturday

-- And Fox Sunday nights fit in where?, "The Springfield Files"

At Moe's, Homer's in the mood for more excitement than his

regularDuff. Quick thinker, Moe draws two dots above the "u", and voila:

"Doof," direct from Sweden. "Skoal!" shouts Homer, but he's notfooled

Moe draws back and offers him a real new brand: "Red Tick Beer."

Homer: Hmm... Bold, refreshing, and something I can't quite put my

finger on. [at the Red Tick Beer brewery, dogs are swimming in the

Man: [takes a sip] Hmm... Needs more dog.

-- Homer tries Red Tick Beer, "The Springfield Files"

Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with thekids.

-- Homer sets the new standard for family togetherness, "The Springfield

But Moe won't let him go till he takes a breathalyzer test. Homertakes

it, and he's not just Tipsy, not just Soused, not just Stinkin',but he's in

the "Boris Yeltsin" level of drunkenness. "Eh, I guessI'll walk home"

Homer wanders around and winds up in a dark, scary park full ofleafless

trees. Homer's startled by the howling dogs. Suddenly,"Psycho" music

starts to play as a bus pulls up, its headlightsglaring at Homer. The

chilling violin is being played by the musical passengers aboard the

"Springfied Philharmonic" bus. The bus speeds off, dropping off a lone

violinist, who continues to play the eeriemusic.

Terrified, Homer starts to aimlessly run. He stops before a billboardthat

says "DIE." Homer shreaks. The wind blows away the tree thatcovered

the last word. Nonetheless, a "DIET" sign still scares Homerwitless.

Homer runs into the woods and runs into Grampa, who washiding in the

Grampa: Oh son, I'm glad to see you! I went for the morning paper and I

Homer: No time for you, old man! [pushes Grampa aside]

-- Don't interrupt a man in the middle of a cowardice panic, "The

Homer plows through a mess of branches and plants and runs across

alog in the middle of the misty night. For effect, an owl hoots.

Homertrips over a branch. (For more effect, the chilling music

mostassociated with "The X-Files" begins to play) What he sees before

himis an eerie, green glowing figure with a large bulbous head,

enormousdark eyes and a contorted, spindly body.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

[begins running through the field of grass, creating a handwritten writing

-- Your typical alien encounter, "The Springfield Files"

Homer busts through the door of his bedroom, panting, awakening

Homer: It was an alien, Marge! It appeared in front of me and said

Marge: [waving her hand in front her nose] Have you been drinking?

-- Ticks'll do that to you, "The Springfield Files"

Homer tells his unbelieveable tale at the breakfast table.

Homer: I'm telling you, I saw a creature from another planet.

Homer: Oh yeah? Well, when I came to, I was covered with a sticky,

Marge: [serves him] More sausage? [Homer starts drooling]

-- Occam's Razor to its gruesomest, "The Springfield Files"

Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine," the chances are 175

million to one of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours.

Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always

pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, Dad. [nervous laugh]

-- Once a skeptic, always a skeptic, "The Springfield Files"

Bart, "The Thing, from Uranus," greets the family dressed in novelty

spring goggles, a bike helmet with antennaes on top and a black shirt

while holding a water soaker, making light of Homer's supposed alien

Homer: [gasps, then realizes] Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being

mocked. By my own children. On my birthday.

Homer: Yes! Remember, it's the same day as the dog's.

Lisa: Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? Ooh! We've gotta get you

a present. [cuddling him] Yes we do! Yes we do!

Marge: [cuddling him] Good doggie. Good doggie. [Maggie joins in,

-- Yet with an untwistable stomach, "The Springfield Files"

Homer tells his unbelieveable tale at the SNPP.

Oh, it was awful! They set me on a cold, metal table. Then prodded

mewith humiliating probes, and then... Oh wait, that was my physical.

-- From `The X Files' to `General Hospital', "The Springfield Files"

At the police station, Homer tells his unbelieveable tale to Chief Wiggum.

Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice... like Urkel! And he

appears every Friday night... like Urkel!

Wiggum: Well, your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass, I mean, uh,

Simpson. So, I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter! [Wiggum

raises his arms and starts typing on air in sarcasm] [starts humming]

Homer: You don't have to humiliate me. [Homer walks off, and another

man walks in, wearing slightly burned clothes and playing compulsively

Man: I just torched a building downtown, and I'm afraid I'll do it again!

Wiggum: Oh, yeah, right. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!

[goes through the same sarcastic routine] Fruitcake!

-- Why do you wear that badge, anyway? "The Springfield Files"

We are then taken to the F.B.I. Division of Paranormal Activites. Inside

the office, there is a picture of J. Edgar Hoover in a lady'sdress, joined

by other spooky pictures. An attractive red-head is working at her

computer. Her attractive, brown-haired partner shows her a paper

Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the

Heartland of America. We've gotta get there right away.

Scully: Well... gee, Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of

drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.

Mulder: [scoffs] I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like

-- That's for overpaid, obese policemen with invisible typewriters, "The

At the Simpsons home, Mulder gives a slight knock on the front door.

Marge answers, and panics at the sight of F.B.I. agents, thinking they're

after her for the pen she took from the Post Office. Swearing she didn't

know it was in her purse, and that she was about to bring it back when

the dog chewed it up, she starts hyperventilating. Mulder informs her

that their matter is with Homer. Still panting, Marge greets them in.

At the FBI Springfield Branch, Mulder and Scully tell Homer to pickout

from a lineup the alien that he saw. But Marvin the Martian,Gort,

Chewbacca, ALF and Kang (or is it Kodos?) don't fit the bill. Oh, this

-- Marvin, the clicheic, Martian, "The Springfield Files"

The Cigarette Smoking Man in the shadows watches Mulder and

Scully: Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector.

I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do

-- It worked, all right, "The Springfield Files"

Scully tests Homer's reflexes. It takes quite a while before Homerfeels

Later, with wires attached to him, Homer runs on a treadmill in

naughtbut his underwear. Mulder and Scully watch.

Mulder: Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?

Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight.

Mulder amd Skully then take their investigation to Moe's.

Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the

Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we

were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.

Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the F.B.I.

Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You

Homer later makes himself as drunk as he was before and begins to

You are one fine looking woman, lady. If I wasn't married, I'd go outwith

you like that! [hits his bottle on the bar; beer bubbles and spills out the

bottle] I am so sorry! Whatever you do, don't tell Marge! God, I love her!

I... hey! A penny! [leaps into the floor]

-- Homer recreates his every move (and bottle), "The Springfield Files"

Scully and Mulder introduce themselves to Moe at his request, and their

FBI credentials alarm Moe, who orders the men in the backroom

watering a disgruntled killer whale to take him back to Sea World.

Homer, meanwhile, continues to waste the bored FBI agents' time.

So, I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the

-- Homer's answers to life's greatest mysteries, "The Springfield Files"

Scully invites Homer to lead them to his next location on the night of his

encounter. The three wind up in the park. Homer points to the woods

where the creature emerged; just at that moment, there's rustling in a

bush. All gasp, and Scully cocks a gun, fearing theworst. To their

(somewhat) relief, Grampa emerges in his tattered clothes

Grampa: For the love of god, help me! I've been here for four days and

that turtle's got all of my teeth! [looking down] There he is! [the turtle

walks away, holding the oversized denture]

Grampa: [running as slowly as the turtle] Come back here, you! Slow

Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had.

Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating

Grampa: [gets bitten by the turtle] Oww! It bit me with my own teeth!

Scully decides she's seen enough, and leaves. Mulder's about to follow,

But somewhere out there, something is watching us. There are alien

forces acting in ways we can't perceive. Are we alone in the universe?

Impossible. When you consider the wonders that exist all around us...

[it's nighttime now, and everyone's left Mulder alone in the park]

...voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia,

theunsolved mysteries of -- "Unsolved Mysteries." The truth is out there.

-- Mulder, as skeptic as we know him, "The Springfield Files"

Behind him, Moe and the two men are hauling away the killer whale.

Oh, who thought a whale could be so heavy?! [sees Mulder] Cheese it!

Homer: Oh Marge, I never felt so alone. No one believes me. [pause]

Uh, this is the part where you're suppose to say "I Believe You, Homer"?

Homer: You do?? Oh, Marge, you've made me so happy!

Marge: Hmm, you're not listening. You're only hearing what you wanna

Homer: Thanks! I'd love an omelette right about now.

Marge: I try to be supportive, but this has gone too far! Please, just let

Homer: No, I can't. This is my cause. I'm like the man who single

handedly built the rocket and went to the moon. What was his name?

-- How long before he cries `Adrienne!', "The Springfield Files"

Insulted by Marge's lack of trust for him, Homer leaves the bedroom,

and sulks at the breakfast table. Bart comes in.

Bart: Hey, Dad. What's the word with Planet Crackpot?

Homer: Oh, I suppose you're going to mock me, too!

Bart: Well, actually, Dad... I believe you.

Homer: Thank you, son. And do you think you can stop the casual

Homer: This Friday, we're going back to the woods and we're going to find

Homer: We'll fake it, and sell it to the Fox network.

Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming, too. [the two bust

-- Make sure there's no wristwatch this time, "The Springfield Files"

Out in the woods --again-- the three "Budweizer" frogs get eaten by

acrocodile, who grunts "Coors." Not far away, Bart and Homer camp

outwith an assortment of Ned Flanders' belongings.

Bart: Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer?

Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and

Homer suggests a ghost story instead. Later that night, lit with a

flashlight, Bart completes his chilling tale: "...and that is how much

college will cost for Maggie." Homer screams in denial.

Later, Homer and Bart roast up some marshmallows, enjoying the

That "X-Files" music starts up again, and the green glow floatsthrough

the trees. Homer recognizes his encounter.

Homer: As a representative of the planet Earth, let me just say [gets

his foot in the camp fire] Baaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaagh! [tries to

-- And we really mean it, "The Springfield Files"

The alien runs away in fear. Homer mourns his lost proof, but Bart

cheers him up by saying he's taped the whole thing. Homer and Bart

jump up and down in joy, their jumping frozen into an illustration that

takes us back to Leonard Nimoy in the study.

Nimoy: And so, from this simple man came the proof that we are not

alone in the universe. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night.

Teenager: [off-camera] Uh, Mr. Nimoy, we have ten minutes left.

Nimoy: Oh. Uh, fine. Let me, uh, just get something out of my car. [runs

Teenager: I don't think he's coming back.

Kent: Tonight, on Eyewitness News: a man who's been in a coma for 23

Man: Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?

Kent: No, uh, she won an Oscar, and he's a Congressman.

-- The right choice, "The Springfield Files"

But first, E.T., phone Homer -- Simpson, that is. Local man, Homer

Simpson, shown here with his tongue stuck to a lamppost, has given us

-- Those damn file photos..., "The Springfield Files"

They show a few seconds of his video, which Kent dubs as Close

encounter of the blurred kind."The alien has appeared in the same

Springfield pasture the past two Friday nights. Will it appear again this

Friday? The entire Channel 6news team will be there, except for Bill, the

boom mike operator, who's getting fired tomorrow. [boom mic falls and hits

Kent in the head] Very unprofessional, Bill.

-- The sorrows of the underappreciated boom mic operator, "The

Lisa still isn't convinced, and thinks there must be a more logical

explanation and doubts the town will buy the story based on the

tape.The doorbell rings. Homer answers the door and the questions of

Hibbert: Is the alien carbon-based, or silicone-based?

Homer: Uhhh... the second one. Zillifone. Next question?

Barney: [drunk] Is the alien Santa Claus?

Ned: Uh, where you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane?

Homer: This interview is over! [goes in, slams the door] [said weather

-- And your tabletray, and camping equipment and camcorder..., "The

That Sunday, Lovejoy bases his sermon on Homer's encounter.

I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. He came in

peace,and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was...

E.T., theextraterrestrial. [sniffs] I love that little guy.

-- Lovejoy reads from Spielberg's bible, "The Springfield Files"

Later, that Friday night, the town sets up a fiasco filled with musicand

t-shirt sales in anticipation of the alien's third visit. Mr.Largo gets a

five-member band to practice the "Close Encounters"theme, Jimbo tries

to get tickets to Pearl Jam, and Leonard Nimoy'sgetting a hot dog.

Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?

Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces

Man: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?

Nimoy: Surprise me. [the hot dog man hesitates, then puts a whole

batch of what appears to be lettuce on top]

-- The surprise is what comes after you eat the hot dog, "The Springfield

Homer tries to prove to Lisa that he's being respected because there

are "Homer was Right" t-shirts being sold, instead of "Homer is a Dope"

t-shirts, which, in actuality, were sold out in five minutes. "D'oh!" Even

Marge: These shirts are a hundred percent cotton. And look at the fine

-- Proving the shirts' point, "The Springfield Files"

Clouds gather, the eerie music starts and the green glowing alien

returns. The entire town is flabbergasted, and Marge apologises

Hibbert: [smoking a cigar] Is that the love between a man and a woman

or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar? [chuckles]

Lenny: It's bringing love! Don't let it get away!

-- Love, the harbinger of destruction, "The Springfield Files"

The town suddenly gets an array of weaponry and start trying to attack

the alien to capture him. Lisa stops them by turning a flashlight on the

alien, revealing it to actually be Mr. Burns.

Burns: Hello, children! I bring you love!

Willy: Aah! It's a monster! Kill it! Kill it!

Smithers: It's not a monster! It's Mr. Burns!

WIlly: [tender] Aw, it's Mr. Burns. [raging] Kill it! Kill it!

-- What's the difference?, "The Springfield Files"

Smithers urges them to hear his explanation for it all. This is allthe

result of medical procedures designed to help Mr. Burns cheat death for

another week, including an extensive chiropractic readjustment,

eyedrops (which enlarge Mr. Burns' pupils), pain killersand a vocal chord

Don't worry. You won't feel a thing. [exhibiting a swirling

mechanicaldevice] Till I jam this down your throat!

"The whole ordeal leaves Mr. Burns twisted and disoriented" explains

Smithers. Mr. Burns wanders out the hospital and off into the woods,

where he's later seen beaming a green glow.

The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.

Burns: Um, I'll field that question. A lifetime of working in a nuclear power

plant has given me a healthy green glow. [to himself] And left me as

impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. And now that I'm back to

normal, I don't bring you peace and love. I bring you fear, famine,

Nick: [shooting Burns with a needle of painkiller] Time for a booster! [Burns

Burns: [singing] Good morning, starshine. The Earth says hello.

Nimoy joins in, and soon all of Springfield -- with Mulder, Scully and

Chewbacca -- is waving together, singing "Good Morning Sunshine."They

raise their arms in the air, and the picture is yet again frozen in

Nemoy's book, now narrated by the Generic Teenager.

And so concludes our tale. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night, and

-- Our favorite pimple-faced teenager of all, "The Springfield Files"

Here is the detailed synopsis for the Episode "The Springfield Files", a

cross over of The X-Files and Simpsons. Some stuff I have here is the

cast, did you knows, refences, fun with the episode, animation,

~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~**~*~**~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~*

Homer, Marge, Bart and Lisa fly in the room with

backpack rockets and sit on the couch. Maggie flies

in more wildly, makes a few loops, and lands on

Mrs. Glick is now in the Springfield Retirement Castle instead of the

Fox Mulder is in a bikini in his FBI badge photo?

Fat Tony's mugshot in Police Chief Wiggum's office?

all of the camping equipment is property of Ned Flanders?

this is the first episode written by Reid Harrison?

Mrs. Glick is in the Springfield Retirement Castle now?

Devil's Tower and crop circles on the front and back covers of

Homer has fourteen marshmallows on his stick?

it only takes Moe and a couple of others to lift a whale?

the Springfield FBI branch building has escaped the "El Barto"

the camera's birthday tag was captured in Nimoy's illustration?

Homer drank out of a bottle instead of a beer mug?

Leonard Nimoy has a skull and a cobweb on his desk?

the lights appear to be on in the music store next door to Moe's at 1

Moe cares enough to give Homer the breathalyzer test?

someone, somewhere, has actually paid for a giant billboard simply

the excellent moving shadows effect when the 'alien' emerges from

Chief Wiggum has a half eaten doughnut on his desk, and apparently

Scully wanders off, rolling her eyes, during Mulder's rant?

despite having the funds to hire the best medical care, Burns has Dr.

in the alien lineup were Marvin the Martian, Gort, Chewbacca, ALF,

the front of Homer's work area is now clear, unlike 2F10 (where the

this is the first time Marge calls Snowball II "bad cat"?

there was a glass on Maggie's high chair? (Since when does Maggie

Homer has an analog alarm clock on his side of the bed, while Marge

Springfield is in "the heartland of America", which is not exactly

while most cameo characters have white skin, Mulder Scully are

Bart has slippers? (I'm pretty sure this is the first time he's worn

Mulder knocked on the Simpson door with his left hand?

the video game sound as Donkey Kong lifts and throws the barrel?

the Terminator, "My Dinner With Andre," and the Panamanian

the black coffee mug with the white "X" next to Scully's computer?

this is the first time Kang (or Kodos) has appeared in a

this is the Generic Teenager's first speaking role since "Bart the Fink"

Apu, a vegetarian, is at the hot dog stand?

in the end, Chewbacca and Scully are both wearing "HOMER IS A

the alien's voice sounds like Michael Jackson?

it takes Homer 2 hours and 10 minutes to respond to the reflex test?

the Russian music when the breath meter reaches Boris Yeltsin?

Mulder, Scully, and Chewbacca were singing with the Springfieldians?

Mulder and Chewie wore the Homer is a Dope shirts?

the "Labor Laws" notice in SNPP coffee room?

Cigarette Smoking Man aka Cancer Man in the interrogation room?

Riviera's medical instrument looks like the dentist's gouger from

Scully looks like the health inspector from 2F16?

Leonard Nimoy is being animated improperly? (his hair's grayed and

the "DIET" billboard says nothing besides "DIET?"

Lisa and Bart have oreos and milk before watching TGIF?

how odd it is that Ned makes everything he owns stamped with the

the Simpsons would attend Ned's birthday party in order to steal his

Mr. Burns' health is fleeing? (first leprosy, then a boweling, and then

Homer drinks quite a few times in this episode?

the unsolved Rubik's Cube on Dr. Hibbert's desk?

we hear the full closing theme (allowing for the part that Hank Hill

the flower pattern behind Leonard Nimoy at the very start?

the start of this story is halfway through the book?

the Springfield Shopper is available in Washington, D.C.?

Homer asks for two "Homer is a dope" shirts, even though he was

Bart's chalkboard parodies the series' slogan "The Truth is Out

The X Files' theme is played when the alien appears

Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are the series' main characters

Locations and descriptions are "typed" at the bottom of the screen

During the lie detector scene, Cigarette Smoking Man (aka Cancer

The alien appears every Friday night, which was the time slot for

Scully's mug and clipboard bear a giant "X"

In Search of.., 70's Documentary of the Paranormal

Leonard Nimoy hosts a similar show to his own

Homer picked up his camera trick from this movie

Lenny's clothing and dance moves are copied from John Travolta's

The "Sit on It" expression comes from this series

Jasper after taking his Wednesday pills on Friday, looks like Shag,

Milhouse putting in 40 quarters for a crappy videogame is a

reference to this movie's over-the-top budget, which only equalled

Bart and Lisa mention ABC's T.G.I.F. 2-hour comedy lineup, NBC's

The Red Tick Beer label is similar to this beer's label

The Springfield Philharmonic is playing the famous Bernard Herrmann

A dramatic music is actually played by an orchestra

Homer spells out "Yahhh!" by running through the field

"Rocky", movies starring Sylvester Stallone

Homer's comment about selling the alien to the Fox network

Brockman parodies the movie's line "E.T. phone home"

The file photo of Homer shows him with his tongue stuck to a lamp

post, just like the character Flick in this movie

"Close Encounters of the Third Kind", Steven Spielberg movie

Devil's Tower is pictured on Lisa's Junior Skeptic magazine and on

Brockman muses on a "Close Encounter of the Blurred Kind"

The school band plays the notorious five-note music

Clouds swarm around Marge's hair before the alien appears just like

around Devil's Tower before the mother ship appears

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" is repeatedly typed

All the characters sing "Good Morning Starshine"

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY

F. B. I. S P R I N G F I E L D B R A N C H

- Marvin the Martian, 2'3" (3' with the brush on his helmet)

Homer's only been working at SNPP since 1980.The tape of Homer

working has the feeling of the mid to late 70s. Besides, even if it

was 1980, Homer's only been a safety technician in sector 7-G since

The writing on Moe's breathalizer changes between scenes.

Marge tells Homer that it is 2 AM, then checks the clock.

Lisa's "Junior Skeptic" magazine appears out of thin air.

Marge, at least, ought to have remembered Homer's birthday.

OFF doesn't know Santa's Little Helper's birthday; his previous owner

never mentioned it when he got rid of the dog in 7G08.

Homer tells Wiggum that the alien appears every Friday night, even

Homer seems to be fond of Urkel, unlike 1F11.

FBI stands for "Federal Bureau of Investigation", but Mulder's badge

Abe can still say "s" correctly dispite the fact the turtle has his

Contrary to what Moe believes (he refers to the "whale" as being

heavy), a Killer Whale is actually a dolphin, not a whale. IN his

defense, however, biologists believe that the two families (dolphins

and whales, not Simpsons and whales) are closely related.

The crocidile can still say "coors" even with his mouth closed.

Bart did get a fake ID before in 3F17 and did go for a beer at Moe's.

He passed it up when he saw all the bummed out drunks.

Why would someone offer Ned a camcorder? He already has one,

which he not only lent to Homer in 7F11, but used to film his movie

Channel 6 calls its newscasts "Action News" (cf. 7G12, 2F05, and

The guy coming out the coma looks a bit young to have been around

Marge's T-shirt disappeared sometime between when she showed it

Mr. Burns has been seen at night several times (e.g. 9F10) without

The second shot of pain killer makes Mr. Burns' pupils expand, when

it was actually the eyedrops that originally caused this effect.

If the generic teenager is reading from a teleprompter ("I'm Leonard

Nimoy"), why would Nimoy have nothing left to say for the last ten